A First Family Outing out at the Tracks -- Train Tracks

Our family finally hit a week of stable sleeping schedules. TJ no longer woke up throughout the night and CJ was able to sleep until 3am (some nights it's been 4am or 5am!).

Finally rested with five or six hrs of sleep at night (amazing what constitutes as "rest" now that I'm a parent!), Hubby and I decided to attempt our first "family outing" of four. Sure, we've done quick ventures to go out to lunch, but nothing that took longer than 2 hours. We've always returned home before the proverbial coach turned into a pumpkin.

Last week's Memorial holiday brought us a three day weekend, so we knew if things didn't quite work out, we had an extra day to recover. So, we set our sights on a local favorite of TJ's:
the Billy Jones Wildcat Railroad in Los Gatos, CA.

Running since 1970, the railroad is a real steam engine that takes a scenic tour between Oak Meadows Park and Vasona Park. It's just a 10 minute ride, so the line isn't long (key to success for antsy toddlers). What's also great is there is a carousel that dates back to 1915!


And TJ goes crazy bonkers riding it. And to our surprise, little 2.5 month old CJ loved it, too! His cute little eyes darting back and forth, up and down, checking out the new sounds and sights. I was so happy to be able to join CJ & Hubby on the ride. I actually wasn't expecting to be able to go on it. But, it was such a quick and gentle ride, I think CJ might have even felt a bit lullabyed by the ride!

It's a nostalgic little mini-vacation that is toddler and newborn size: popsicles, popcorn, shaved ice cones, and even fresh grilled hot dogs. So, after the train and carousel ride, it's easy to kill time getting some yummy snacks.

What's also convenient is that the train and carousel are both nestled inside a park with a playground. So, after the snacks, Hubby and I could leisurely walk hand-in-hand, with TJ running ahead of us, playing on the play structures. And what about CJ, you ask? He was dozing away happily in the stroller (I'm very good at steering the stroller with one hand now!)

So, it was a great Memorial Weekend for the Gray family - we were out and didn't get back until the evening! I know not every fun, family holiday outing will go as smoothly, but when it does, how sweet it is!

A Restful Weekend Away

Last weekend, I went on a sorely needed three day retreat with my church's women's group. Hubby had gone on a week long business trip and I was left with a six week newborn and a three year old toddler. I was wired to the tilt, having to do night feedings, handle night wakings, and juggle the two during the day.

By the time Hubby got home, I was an andrenaline-wired zombie. I just couldn't shut off, I had been "on" so many days. Hubby did all the night feedings when I came back, but I just couldn't fall asleep. There were also TJ's night wakings peppered throughout, because he only wanted "Mommy". I was in trouble when even sleeping pills didn't do the job.

Thank goodness, the last second, there was space for me to sign up for our church's women's retreat. To my surprise, when I arrived, the retreat campus was right next to the beach! I stayed at Asilomar in Pacific Grove, and I had oceanside view right from my room. The sight of the ocean, the sound of the tide, and quietness washed over me. I was in seventh heaven.

I went for the physical rest, just to get away. What I also got, but didn't expect, was the encouragement from other women! At first, I didn't feel like doing much talking, but I had fun just listening to other women's stories. By the end of the retreat, I made some new friends. It was great to laugh about all the things that can make you cry, you know?


As for spiritual renewal, I finally enjoyed what I crave so much: journaling and prayer. I learned some important things about myself, that enabled me to have some personal breakthroughs and grow in this season of my life as mom of two.

With some quiet time to rest, space to reflect, and warm food to eat (that I did not have to prepare!), I was able to do what sleeping pills could not accomplish: sleep.

Of course, I missed Hubby and kids like crazy. Because I was all too familiar with the schedule back home, I couldn't help but wonder how things were going. When I was on the beach and saw a golden retriever running through the waves, I flashed back to the sweet memory of the day Hubby proposed to me on the beach. With arms locked around each other, we also smiled at a wet dog enjoying the spray of the ocean.

My husband was wonderful to encourage me to enjoy the time away and stuck it out for two nights. As I called to check-in on my way back, poor Hubby revealed he hadn't slept a wink the whole weekend as well. I donned my virtual "super-cape" on, and went back refreshed and rested to the family I love, my life with two kids.

Brotherly Love is in the Air

I love, love, love these photos. When I look at them, I tell myself all the sleep deprivation and insanity-filled days juggling a newborn and a toddler are worth it.

You see, I am only human. At two months young, CJ is at the age where he's not portable anymore, but is still learning to nap. In other words, I'm homebound... along with his three year old brother!

Umpteen times a day, I am called to respond to three year old questions like:

"Why do I have to eat my breakfast/lunch/dinner/veges/fruit/fill_in_the_blank_food?" or "Why is the sky blue?". All the while, I'm trying to feed, nap, diaper, and burp CJ on 4 hours of sleep. Not to mention cook, clean, and launder (remind me why am I not getting paid for this?).

Parenting a three year old feels a bit like parenting a teenager.The kid wants independence, but still requires supervision. A lot of messes are made that I have to clean up. These "learning opportunities" might be innocuous, like "I want to pour the milk!". But, it might also involve situations that are not for the fainthearted.. "Mommy, I went poop, and I wiped all by myself!" Oh, isn't that so wonderful, son! ... Ahem.. excuse me while I totally g-r-o-s-s o-u-t!

Then, a moment like this appears. While I'm sitting on the sofa, feeding CJ, semi-zoning as I run through my mental list of my to-do's, TJ stops zooming and crashing his cars to come ask me a question.

"Can I hold CJ?" TJ asks wide-eyed and excited.

For a moment, I almost say, "No, honey. CJ is still eating. Don't bother him while he's feeding."

Thankfully, I change my mind.

I'm so glad I had a moment of clarity, which doesn't always happen. As I show TJ how to hold his brother, he did something that just blew me away.

TJ snuggled his little brother up close, giggled, and said ever so sweetly, "I love you, CJ."

Yep. This is what I dreamed of when I was pregnant. This is why I wanted to have a second baby boy. So that the world can see brotherly love. It turns out that world is my world, right on a snack stained couch, smack dab on this tired, but happy mother's heart.

My Happy Mother's Day

I had the absolute best Mother's Day. My Hubby started the celebration off on Saturday by sending me off for an afternoon at the spa (What a sweetheart!). I came home feeling very pretty and pink, floating on air, after a steam bath, a dip in the jaccuzzi and an hour long facial.

I pulled into the garage and as TJ ran over to welcome me home, he asked, "What did they do to your face?!" I had told him that Mommy was going to get some special lotions and creams on my face at the "spa".

"Here, come smell.. Doesn't mommy smell good?" I asked, offering him a sniff of my cheek.

TJ takes a whiff and wrinkles his nose, "Eeeewww.. YUCK!.. There're bugs on your face!" And runs away laughing. Boys!! That's why they say they're made of snails and puppy dog tails!

Today, we took some pictures with my two boys. CJ was SO adorable, I wanted to just eat him up. He's two months old this weekend! He is such a cutie, I got a video of him talking to me. Seriously. I'd talk to him and he'd coo and goo-goo-ga-ga. I'm so serious, he really did!

As for TJ, we're best buds. TJ wanted to be a pirate for our photo session and as you can see, we were hamming it up for the camera. Ahoy, Mommy Mateys! Happy Mother's Day!

Recommendation: Baby Sleep & Soothing Baby Books

To go with my post today about sleep (or lack thereof), I wanted to post my two MUST HAVE tools of the trade for helping babies and toddlers sleep/nap better and colicky ones to be less fussy.

Okay, so for all the experienced parents out there, this post may be preaching to the choir. But for the parents who have colicky babies (like I did), who want a step by step guide to when and how to sleep a baby and toddler, these are what I call my "survival guides" for sleeping and sanity!

Book #1: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth

Why I recommend this book:

1) This book saved my sanity with my first child, who was one of the 5% of babies who have extreme fussy/colic.

What this means is that none of the moms in my mom support groups -- 20 moms -- had to deal with what my baby had for *6* months, which was crying around the clock and the inability to fall asleep and stay asleep.

It was painful to be told,"You're stressed, so the baby is feeling it too!" or "keep him awake longer and he'll be tired and fall asleep" or another of the common non-solicited advice was "Put the baby on a schedule." Yes, I did try the stroller. And I did try driving the car to help in sleep. And yes, I tried the binky, the swing, and etc. And no, they all did not work.

The book relieved me of all guilt because it said that some babies' sleep maturation just doesn't start until 5-6 months and that those babies canNOT be consoled, no matter what you do (or don't do). His advice? Just keep holding, rocking and do whatever it takes to minimize fussiness, even if it still leads to crying. And wait until 5-6 months before sleep training (which the book describes step by step). By the time TJ was 9 months old, he was sleeping through the night, all the way even to his 3rd birthday.

2) With my second child, who is one of the 90% of easy, common fussy babies, I was able to learn that babies can only be awake 1-2 hours (max) throughout the day. And they should be napped within 30 minutes for some. It gave me confidence to know I wasn't doing anything wrong by getting my baby to sleep all the time, even if it wasn't convenient for guests who wanted to play with the baby during their visit.

It was also very helpful to know that the first 3-4 months, I can expect that baby would wake up 2-3 times at night. And there wasn't anything I could really do to get the baby to "sleep through the night" other than waiting for the baby's natural sleep maturation process. It is the exception that babies would sleep through the night by 2-3 months, NOT the norm.

So, when I get those questions launched at me or unsolicated advice to get baby to sleep longer at night, I quietly know better, smile and thank them for their kind words.

Book #2, Happiest Baby on the Block, by Harvey Karp:

Why I recommend this book:

1) It tells how-to five secret tricks to get baby to stop fussing and crying. Dr. Karp calls them the five S's:

- Swaddling
- Side/Stomach
- Sucking
- Shushing
- Swinging

Both my babies needed the swaddling in order to stay calm and get whatever sleep they could catch. Swaddling may not seem "nice" to the untrained eye and conventional wisdom might lead some to think that babies should be "free". But, in fact, newborns want the security of being cuddled close to prevent their arms and legs from flailing, and swaddling definitely provides that needed comfort.

2) It explains that the first 3 months are called the "4th trimester" and really helped us set realistic expectations. Babies are not gurgling, coo'ing, and giving Kodak moments around the clock during the first months.

Even with my second child, I have turned to these books for reference on almost a daily basis. Each baby is different, so I've focused on different parts of the back that apply. I call the Weissbluth book my "sleep bible" because I read it every night, to encourage me to keep up the sleep training day by day!

Sleeping Through the Night.. or Not?

When I'm out with newborn CJ, one of the first questions I get from strangers is "How is he sleeping?" or "Is he sleeping through the night, yet?" In fact, I was just at Toys r US the other day, and this question was launched at me by the cashier while she was ringng my purchases up.

I think it's one of the universal questions that bonds all parents together. Like war veterans who share a brotherhood that transcends race or religion, battling those first months of sleep deprivation is the rite of passage for all parents.

Although CJ is number #2, and despite that many say that "the second time around is much easier", I am here to state, for the record, the sleep deprivation is NOT. So, if you are feeling bewildered why the second time is not easier, I am here to testify, we are not alone (of course, there are somethings that are easier, but getting up x number of times is not one of them).

Sleeping is one of the most underrated luxuries that singles have. The other day, I drove through downtown late one afternoon, having picked TJ up from preschool. With a screaming newborn unhappy in his carseat and TJ whining about who-knows-what (it was hard to hear), I couldn't help but stare longingly at the care-free twenty-somethings sitting outside the cafes with their lattes and cappuccinos, laptops opened for leisurely googling (or blogging, in my case!). I felt like a prisoner trapped on Alcatraz, able to see the city lights through the window bars, but shut out of everyday life. Oh, the humanity!

You don't know how good you've got it until it's gone. And boy, with the arrival our second born, sleep has really gone out the window.

Hubby and I thought we were in seventh heaven the first few weeks after the birth of our second child. Unlike our first born who mercilessly woke up every two hours to feed, CJ only squawked every three to four hours. Before his feeding session was over, CJ would have drifted off to sweet slumber. Aahhh, the sound of his newborn's soft snore was music to our ears.

Then, everything changed overnight. It was as if a switch had been flipped. CJ suddenly went from being a calm baby to a fussy, can't-fall-asleep-can't-stay-asleep baby. Life has turned into a complete madhouse since.

All we think about, eat, and breathe is sleep. We are consumed with wanting sleep, but not getting any of it. Every thought hovers around the moving target of sleep. How can I get the baby to sleep? .. Please, be quiet! The baby is sleeping! .. Better shovel some food in my mouth before the baby wakes up! .. SSSSSSHHH!! .. I've never shushed so loudly, so much before.

I could kill anyone or anything that would wake my baby up, even if it's for a 30 minute nap. You know, sleep deprivation is serious stuff, man! It is listed as one of the torture tactics in extracting intel from terrorists!

CJ's not the only little person keeping us from our zzz's. If I happen to finally doze off after the 2 am feeding, "WWWAAAAHHH!!!! ..." I'm painfully jolted out of bed by the screams of my three year old who just has to have a drink of water, or his teddy bear is lost, or his covers are messed up. And so on and so on..

Will I recover? Yes. When? I don't know. I keep telling myself, just put one foot in front of the other. Right when I seriously doubt if I can make it, I get my second wind. As I'm burping him after a 2am feeding, getting ready to pace the well-worn track in his bedroom for God knows how long, CJ looks up at me and smiles. Not the I'm-about-to-fall-asleep smile. A real smile. And though I'm crying 'cuz I'm delirious from not sleeping, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the joy of being a mom. And I remember why I signed up for this... and smile back.

Can You Guess? My Favorite Things Post-Birth

Guess where I went the first time I got out of the house after giving birth? It was exactly 10 days I was "shut in". Not only was I recovering from giving birth to a nearly 9 lb baby (as one of my friends commented, practically a "bowling ball"), I was tethered to CJ for around the clock feedings. It was just brutal. Then, halfway into the 2nd week, I was healing up pretty well and baby settled down a bit. I was dying to get out of the house.

I asked one of my closer girlfriends to guess where I ventured out, and she replied, "Hmm.. Well.. " thinking outloud, "I don't think you'd go for a facial.. " Oh, man if I wasn't so sleep deprived, I would've definitely hit the spa..

"Umm.. lemme guess.. Was it grocery shopping?!" she asked with some confidence.

"Are you C-R-A-Z-Y?! NO WAY!" I shot back. Hmm.. maybe this isn't one of my closer girlfriend, after all. I would not want to do anything domestic!

After a few more wrong guesses, like going to the gym or going to Target, I revealed my answer.

"THE MALL!" as if it wasn't obvious. Come on!

Now, let me make clear. I did not go to the mall to shop. 'Cuz after all, pssst... I'm still wearing maternity clothes. My post-natal body was not exactly giving me inspiration to go try out the latest spring fashions.

I was just wanting to be in the mall for the hustle and bustle. Ahh.. Serenity now... You know that calm buzz that fills you when you're in the mall? .. It's the kinda peaceful trance that hails back to when I'd hit the mall as a teenager. Even if I could only buy a pair of earrings that cost a few bucks, I loved kicking it back with an Orange Julius at the food court with a gal pal.

Except, fast forward, now I'm in my 30's, kickin' it with my sweetheart, Hubby. And it's no longer an orange drink I'm sippin'.

Nope, it's a delicious decaf mocha with my favorite chocolate brioche. And for my main squeeze, he stuck with a buttery, palmier (which was delicious, btw!). Eventhough we took CJ with us, he was the dreambaby 2nd week newborn - snoring away for hours while we giggled and laughed at how lucky we had it with our good sleeper.

Oh, pastries, coffee.. and the mall. Life couldn't be better!

If only we knew life would take a turn for sleeplessness in a couple of weeks... Ah! Igorance is bliss!