Sleeping Through the Night.. or Not?

When I'm out with newborn CJ, one of the first questions I get from strangers is "How is he sleeping?" or "Is he sleeping through the night, yet?" In fact, I was just at Toys r US the other day, and this question was launched at me by the cashier while she was ringng my purchases up.

I think it's one of the universal questions that bonds all parents together. Like war veterans who share a brotherhood that transcends race or religion, battling those first months of sleep deprivation is the rite of passage for all parents.

Although CJ is number #2, and despite that many say that "the second time around is much easier", I am here to state, for the record, the sleep deprivation is NOT. So, if you are feeling bewildered why the second time is not easier, I am here to testify, we are not alone (of course, there are somethings that are easier, but getting up x number of times is not one of them).

Sleeping is one of the most underrated luxuries that singles have. The other day, I drove through downtown late one afternoon, having picked TJ up from preschool. With a screaming newborn unhappy in his carseat and TJ whining about who-knows-what (it was hard to hear), I couldn't help but stare longingly at the care-free twenty-somethings sitting outside the cafes with their lattes and cappuccinos, laptops opened for leisurely googling (or blogging, in my case!). I felt like a prisoner trapped on Alcatraz, able to see the city lights through the window bars, but shut out of everyday life. Oh, the humanity!

You don't know how good you've got it until it's gone. And boy, with the arrival our second born, sleep has really gone out the window.

Hubby and I thought we were in seventh heaven the first few weeks after the birth of our second child. Unlike our first born who mercilessly woke up every two hours to feed, CJ only squawked every three to four hours. Before his feeding session was over, CJ would have drifted off to sweet slumber. Aahhh, the sound of his newborn's soft snore was music to our ears.

Then, everything changed overnight. It was as if a switch had been flipped. CJ suddenly went from being a calm baby to a fussy, can't-fall-asleep-can't-stay-asleep baby. Life has turned into a complete madhouse since.

All we think about, eat, and breathe is sleep. We are consumed with wanting sleep, but not getting any of it. Every thought hovers around the moving target of sleep. How can I get the baby to sleep? .. Please, be quiet! The baby is sleeping! .. Better shovel some food in my mouth before the baby wakes up! .. SSSSSSHHH!! .. I've never shushed so loudly, so much before.

I could kill anyone or anything that would wake my baby up, even if it's for a 30 minute nap. You know, sleep deprivation is serious stuff, man! It is listed as one of the torture tactics in extracting intel from terrorists!

CJ's not the only little person keeping us from our zzz's. If I happen to finally doze off after the 2 am feeding, "WWWAAAAHHH!!!! ..." I'm painfully jolted out of bed by the screams of my three year old who just has to have a drink of water, or his teddy bear is lost, or his covers are messed up. And so on and so on..

Will I recover? Yes. When? I don't know. I keep telling myself, just put one foot in front of the other. Right when I seriously doubt if I can make it, I get my second wind. As I'm burping him after a 2am feeding, getting ready to pace the well-worn track in his bedroom for God knows how long, CJ looks up at me and smiles. Not the I'm-about-to-fall-asleep smile. A real smile. And though I'm crying 'cuz I'm delirious from not sleeping, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the joy of being a mom. And I remember why I signed up for this... and smile back.