Peachy Idea: Playdoh To Go

I have one last peachy idea from my post-Easter debrief. I got this idea from one of the Easter Eggs that TJ squirreled away from an egg hunt.

As TJ sat there to open all the different plastic eggs he collected, he came across an especially heavy one. So far, TJ's favorite eggs were the ones filled with chocolate (to my horror). But, because I could read the little sticker on this egg, I knew TJ would love finding this fun prize.

What TJ found was a wad of Playdoh, just enough for some fun squishing and pounding on his play table. It was the perfect container for Playdoh To Go!


That weekend, hubby and I had quite a fun Easter weekend, going here and there. Especially eating out for an Easter brunch, with lunch and dinners out and about. To keep TJ occupied and fussy-free before food arrived at our tables, I brought .. yep! Playdoh To Go..

I filled the other plastic eggs with Playdoh we already had at home, each with a different color. It was great. Hubby and I were able to entertain TJ before meals came and had a lot of fun creating works of art (yeah, right!).

I liked that the eggs kept the playdoh moist, without drying out. Plus, they were super easy to throw into my purse. Now, how's that for recycling and reusing!

Peachy Idea: Easter Eggs for Everyone

Oh, I was so excited to see this Easter Egg basket at TJ's preschool class. It is made with part of an egg carton and it holds exactly 6 eggs.

I always wondered if it'd be stressful for some kids during an Easter Egg Hunt. I mean, especially if there are kids of different ages. I can see having some baskets that hold more eggs for the older kids and some that hold less for the younger kids.

This way, everyone will get a chance to find eggs, rather than just the quick ones.

I also like this Easter Egg basket because it is so easy to decorate. There were some cut out eggs all ready to be pasted on. The baskets dry quickly. So, by the time everyone's had some snacks, the baskets are ready for some serious egg huntin'!

I haven't organized an egg hunt with TJ's friends yet. But, I am totally filing this peachy idea away for next year!

Easter Eggs Demystified

It is interesting to be a first-time mom. Basically, I am learning on the job. It's kinda like being an intern. I haven't finished my studies yet and I'm not getting paid for the work. But, the one big difference is that the impact of what I'm doing affects the life of another human being.

Never mind the real tough decisions that need to be made, like how to discipline, potty train, or getting him to naps. There are also the other non-life altering skills needed. One of these picking Easter Eggs for the traditional egg hunt.

Here are my Lessons Learned about Easter Eggs:

1. Chocolate Eggs Spell S-U-G-A-R. Last year, for TJ's first Easter Egg hunt, this didn't occur to me. I thought I was doing pretty good preparing for the Easter Egg hunt by buying a few bags of chocolate eggs. I was all ready to hide them. Until I realized TJ would be totally wigging out if he ate all the eggs he found.

Luckily, TJ was still innocent in the ways of the world, and didn't know that the brightly colored eggs were full of creamy, caffeinated, balls of sugar. He happily collected his treasure in his basket and forgot about them the next day.

2. Plastic Eggs Become Endangered During the Week of Easter. I did try to make a last dash to the local drugstore to grab some plastic eggs. Well, they were long gone and sold to everyone else. There I was roaming through the aisles, trying my luck, hoping to find a package of plastic eggs that someone might've put back on the shelves.

3. Be Aware: You Might be Tempted to Smash the Plastic Eggs. This year, I was ready. I got my package of plastic eggs fresh off the shelves, right as the store clerk was stocking them. Little did I know, I was going to be interrupted every other minute for days after the egg hunt, with "Mommy, can you help me?" I was tethered to my two year TJ, bless his heart, who tried and tried, but couldn't open and close the plastic eggs.

Soon, curiosity turned into frustration and plastic eggs were being thrown on the ground.

"Hey, TJ. Look, don't worry about the eggs. Look at the cool stickers inside them. Aren't they fun?" Apparently, not. The plastic eggs were what his little heart and mind wanted to conquer. And if they couldn't be conquered, Mommy would need to be there opening and closing them for him.

As I sat there putting in the Easter rabbit stickers into the plastic eggs for the nth time (I was being VERY patient, with my preschool teacher voice with TJ), I became the Plastic Egg Robot.

I made a mental note to self: Go back to the chocolate eggs next year ...

My Top 5 Mommy Guilt Offenders

Last week, I spent a good amount of the week in bed, sick as a dog. Because there was quite a bit of Mommy Guilt that accompanied my days curled up under the covers, I wrote up a posting about it: When Mommy is Sick.

This week, I'm back on my feet. Yeah, the things that made me feel guilty when I was sick have ebbed away. But, like the tide that always returns, a new list of guilt-inducing items washes up to greet me on any given day as mom.

I try not to let these things drag me down. I kinda picture my days as mom like my walks on a beach. Sometimes, the beach is totally beautiful and clean, especially after a storm or a spelt of rain has hit. The beach is clear because not many people have returned yet. No paper bags, styrofoam cups, or broken beer bottles. Just smooth, virgin sand, waiting for my footprints, as I trek across, eager to make my mark.

Days like these with TJ seem magical. These are the times when I've just finished something major. Maybe I just completed ordering fabric and materials for the line of shopping cart covers I've designed. Or it could be something monumental, like clicking through that last screen on the TurboTax Wizard and all my papers are filed in newly labeled folders. Or it could be something as simple as getting my weekly grocery runs done. With my fridge newly stocked and meals fresh in my mind for the next couple of days, my time with TJ is filled with lots of fun, play, and creative ideas for first time moments.

Times like these feel care-free, easy to make memories with TJ, to enjoy the moment and forget about everything else. I can get lost playing songs on the piano, while TJ and I belt out Top20 toddler tunes like "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Old MacDonald". During these virgin sand moments, I don't hesitate to whip out something yummy, baking with TJ. Messes don't bother me. How 'bout packing a fun picnic for the two of us, loaded with bubbles, sidewalk chalk and a soccer ball to run around at the park? Sure, why not?

But like the beaches I more often walk across, dotted with odds and ends, most of my days are a mixture beauty and worry. Depending on my ability to focus on the beauty, I can find myself focusing on the things that leave me feeling guilty. And those days are the pits. Rather than looking out into the ocean and the waves, my attention starts getting drawn to the ugly, old kelp with lots of bugs flying around the bulbs. Instead of enjoying the blue sky and clouds, I start noticing all the trash people have left and get distracted by trying to figure out why people litter. Then, I start thinking of ways to solve the "how to keep our beaches clean" problem... You get the picture.

That's what it's like when Mommy Guilt hits me in my everyday walk through life as mom.

Here are my Top 5 Mommy Guilt Offenders:

1. Piling. What I call Organized To-Do's, Hubby calls "Piling".

As a WAHM, I feel the pressure to keep our home Pile-Free. Since my schedule is flexible, I feel as if I owe it family and self to have a neat orderly home. I'm not comparing it to any other moms I know in particular, but I think it's more of an expectation that I set for myself, when I decided to be a WAHM. With my daytime hours more adjustable to my priorities, I could spend more time with TJ and also keeping the house organized for family lifestyle.

Reality Check: It turns out being a WAHM is even more demanding since there is no set schedule for when I am off duty and when I am on. Especially as an owner of a small business, I am maximizing a lot of my time be as productive as possible. I am coming to terms with the reality that the orderliness of my house is more like a cosine wave, rather than a flat line. When I put too much pressure on myself about this, I remind myself that by spending my flex-time with TJ, I'm investing in the most important priority, and that's what counts.

2. Enjoying My Own Time. The Dilemna of "Free Time".

At night, when TJ is put to bed and the dishes are ready to go in the dishwasher, I often find myself at a dilemna. With only a couple hours left, I am often torn between doing something productive for my work, my family, our home -- or doing something relaxing, like watching TV, reading a book, or blogging. It's the tyranny of that To Do list. I figure tomorrow might be a better day for me, if I knock another item off my checklist.

Reality Check: It may seem nice to do one less thing tomorrow. But, what is good for my soul today? Probably just some time out to veg or take care of me! I find that when I do something that feeds my creative or reflective self, I am more refreshed the next day to take on the routines of being mom.

Hubby's encouragement means a lot during these moments. He seems to have an innate sense of when I'm getting run down by productivity, even before I sense it. He'll nudge me back, by saying, "Hey Honey, take a break. Do something fun or relaxing." It's helpful to hear that. Before you know it, I'm emailing a girlfriend to meet up for coffee that weekend or it means extra time for some furious journaling.

3. Information Overload. Which way to go?

Gosh, there is so much parenting information out there! Too much! How to Build Your Child's Confidence, but Don't Overpraise. Children Need Structure, but Be Sure To Foster Play and Creativity... etc, etc. Just when I feel comfortable practicing one parenting principle, I come across another, closely, but not entirely complimentary to it. Aarrgghhh! Help!

Reality Check: No parent is perfect. Life is not perfect. My child is not perfect. But, love is perfect. Perfect love casts out fear. Children remember how you love them in the end. And it's building a history of loving, nurturing experiences that will become the theme of my child's life. I know I can't go wrong here. Because I love my child like there's no tomorrow!

4. Meals Extraordinaire. Iron Chef meets Mommy Chef.

Oh, this one gets me almost everyday. I grew up with a mom that made a different meal, fresh everyday. My mom didn't go to the groceries weekly because she thought food wasn't fresh enough. Let me interject here, my mom was a single mom, too! As a traditional Chinese mom, she made many dishes for our dinners: a vegetable dish, a side dish and a main. On top of this, homemade soup every other day, if not everyday!

My mom would often tell us, as we were gobbling up her delicious meals (no repeats in one week), "You see how much I sacrafice (love) you? Mommy is so tired, but I make sure you all eat healthy and well. I cook all your favorite dishes all the time. Fresh. Homemade."

Reality Check: I am not my mother. And I am sacraficing (loving) my family in different ways. If I can get a simple dinner on the table, without repeating a meal in a week, I tell myself I am okay (I know, repeats are okay, too. But, that's too advanced for me!;)). Some days, I am just too exhausted. And those are the days, I tell Hubby,"Let's do take out tonight." Unlike my mom, Hubby gets really excited and yells, "PIZZA!!!.. YES!"

5. Enjoying a Simple Life. Guilt-free Pleasures.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not traveling to a lot of places with TJ. Sometimes when friends talk about where they went for vacation, ski week, or on weekends, I feel a bit antiquated when it's my turn to chime in on what'd-you-do-on-the-weekend/holiday/vacation conversation.

"We just hung around and relaxed." Answers could have ranged anywhere from: "Rented a video. Had a picnic." to "Went on a short hike nearby. Had some friends over for waffles." I definitely enjoy my weekends, don't get me wrong. Thoroughly. But, I find myself feeling a bit old fashioned with our more simplified versions of entertainment.

Reality Check: The way Hubby and I figure, life runs at such a fast pace during the week. Especially with a preschooler. It's a nice contrast to just pass time together and not get overwhelmed with logistics and traveling. It's just more of our preferred mode for now. Maybe when TJ is older, we'll have more margin and energy to do more. Every family's culture is different. For now, we are enjoying doing simple things together.

Just like the beach, each day brings a new opportunity to be free of the junk of guilt. Even as the beach gets used and worn, there is beauty waiting to lure me away from distractions. Sometimes it takes some rain to bring clarity. Other times, it just takes a reminder to self, to look out into the ocean spray.

I'm so thankful for TJ. He's always running out ahead of me, curious to explore the beach and make footprints in the sand together. How nice. How beautiful. Just perfect.

Cross-posted at Silicon Valley Moms Blog, where Bonnie is a contributing writer.

When Mommy is Sick

I've been offline and unplugged from my computer since last Friday until yesterday. Yeah, I've stolen a few moments here and there to peek in, to make sure there weren't any disasters that needed tending to. But, today was the real first day I felt recovered enough to really go through my emails. Ugh.

Although it's been less than a week, I feel like I've been gone, plucked out from this universe and transported to another world where "Mommy is Sick." Since I woke up this morning, feeling back to my normal self again, I've been walking around a bit shell shocked. The house is a mess. The stack of things left to do, at home and at work, has me wanting to crawl back into bed.

As I walk through our house, it looks like the tornado has come through and hit us big time. Everything is not where it should be. Dirty dishes are stacked in the sink. Clothes that TJ wore yesterday are lying in the bathroom floor. And the fridge now is filled with food that needs to be thrown out.

I haven't eaten very much. I had the stomach flu. I would not wish that on my worst enemies. I could only handle "congee" (pronounced "jook"), which is Chinese rice porridge, and Cranberry-Grape juice. Even water did not taste good. Bitter on my tongue.

My joints were aching and hurting. Chills and fevers racked my body. My tummy doubled over in painful cramps. I couldn't hold very much down. Although my hubby, who had undergone military field training, kept emphasizing, "You NEED to drink lots of water. You need to stay hydrated.", I shrunk back like a vampire to light, whenever he came near me with a glass of water.

Being sick is bad enough. Add to that, being a Mommy, and what do we get? ...

Why I Hate Being Sick as a Mommy

1. Mommy Guilt. I feel bad that my shelves aren't organized well enough, so that hubby can find all of TJ's stuff without me getting up to get it.

"Honey, where is the chicken for TJ's dinner?" Hubby asks.

"It's in the refrigerator!" I yell back lying flat on my back, with layers of blankets over me.

"Well, it's not here!" Hubby retorts.

"It's in the ziploc bag, in the meat drawer." I start feeling my cramps coming back.

"Well, it's not here!" Oh, great. "Uh, wait a minute. I found it... Eww! There's mold growing on it! How long has this been here?!" Hubby starts the inquisition.

"Look, that's not it, 'k? It's in there, look for it!" I start to faint and fade away...

2. Mommy Guilt (Part II). I wish I did that one last load of laundry, so that TJ can have fresh socks.

"Honey, where are TJ's socks?" Hubby hollers.

"They should be in the drawer, where they always are."

"Well, they're not here."

I swing myself out of bed and limp over to TJs bedroom. TJ is jumping up and down running in circles, "Mommy's sick! Mommy's sick!" I open the drawer and reach in for a new pair of socks. Nothing.

Oh, shoot. I forgot, his socks were the very next load to go in the washer. Great.
I walk over to the hamper. Grab the top pair of socks lying on the heap. I figured, they're the freshest. Walk back over to hubby.

"Here you go," I say to Hubby, handing over the socks, as I started making my way back to bed.

As I crawl back under the covers, I hear Hubby wigging out. "That's gross. No, TJ is not gonna wear dirty socks." .. Again, blackout ...

3. Mommy Guilt (Part III). It is THE pits listening to TJ cry,"I want Mommy! I want Mommy!" at various times throughout the day.

My poor little cutie pie didn't understand why Mommy wouldn't just get up and stop being sick. He wanted Mommy to read and play with him. And poor Hubby. He had to enact endless hours of mind-numbing puppet shows, chain reading the same book a over and over again. Not to mention having to navigate 12 hours days on the weekend with a two year of toddler. That meant walking through a minefield of tantrums, pleads for who-knows-what, and non-stop demand for attention and talking.

I was often feeling so guilty over all of this. I wished I could just hurry and get better fast! This was one reality-show that I wanted to stop watching!

4. MomPreneur Guilt. Man, if only I could work while Hubby is watching TJ while I'm sick.

Being an Mompreneur, running my own business, basically means I am touched by every aspect of the business. No matter if it's marketing, product development, production or customer service, I am looking at stats all the time and checking in with people to make sure everything is humming along. I know that things won't fall apart while I'm out sick ('cuz everyone gets sick), but, when the business is something I care so much about, I can't help but feel guilty for taking time off.

The worse part is lying in bed, just thinking of everything that's piling up for me, when I get back to work! It made me sicker just thinking about it! ;)

5. Spousal Guilt. Oh, if I ever got well, I will SO take care of my hubby.

During the onset of my being sick, I actually thought, "Well, at least this'll be a refreshing reminder to Hubby, of how tough it is to be a Mom." I know I shouldn't think like that, because Eric does so much for our family. He really does more than his fair share on a daily basis as Daddy. Eric helps out when I don't even ask. And has even offered on many occasions to watch TJ on the weekends, so that I can go out with my girlfriends, go shopping, or get a pedicure at the spa.

But I guess it's just human nature which got me thinking, "Oh, he'll really appreciate me now, after having to be Mr. Mom full time for a few days." Well, by the end of my "vacation" from being Mom, I was at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. I felt so much love for him, because he just did everything and took care of both TJ and me.

I mean, this guy was wiling to eat a PBJ for dinner, after all the hassle of preparing TJ's meal and expending energy to getting a two year old to eat a decent amount of food (after a long hard day's work with TJ). I was just so sick, I couldn't cook, much less eat myself. I could only resign myself to thinking of ways to thank him, as soon as I got well enough (Cooking him a special, hot meal was on the top of the list. Hubby's loves a good meal).

For any moms out there who are sick and trying to pass time by reading this blog, today's post is dedicated to you!

Peachy Tip: Successful Playdates

After some months of joining Gymboree classes with TJ, I started noticing there were some moms I seemed to connect with. I was drawn to their friendly faces and also the way they interacted with their children. They were conversational with their kids and kind in their disposition.

I had been craving adult interaction since I was a SAHM. It was hard to make new friends as mom though. Mostly because I didn't get very many opportunities to meet moms. TJ was the type of baby that really needed his naps on time. And he took a very long time to get down. So, much of my day was restricted to making sure I was home for his nap times.

When I was at parks, it seemed a lot of moms already were in some sort of playgroup, chatting away. And if a mom was by herself, I'd approach and try to strike up a conversation. Many times, it didn't seem like there was that much interest, after a few opening questions.

After TJ's first birthday, he dropped his morning nap. That definitely got me motivated to find some moms to hang out. I knew that I could not last the whole day with just one nap with TJ alone. I have always been very social, so I decided to be more bold and just ask some moms if they wanted to have playdates.

It's been about a year now, and we have had our playdates once a week since then. Every week, we choose a different park to meet at. If it's a rainy day, we'll meet in one of our homes.

A lot of the times, we are separated at the park, each of us watching our own kid. We might catch a few words as our kids are going down the slide. But when it's lunch time, we all gather together at a picnic bench and between getting our kids to eat and stealing a few bites ourselves, we chat.

It's been wonderful getting to know each other, a few minutes of conversation, a week at a time. Over the months, we've developed a bond. And so have our kids. It's wonderful to hear them mentioning names of other kids throughout the week. Because of this group, the word "friends" is actually associated with real names and faces.

What started out to be 2-3 of us, has now grown to be 5-6. We prefer that it's small, so that the kids and moms can really get to chat. Plus, most of the women (not me) have already birthed their second child. So, in no time at all, we will be a big group!

I wanted to share some of the ingredients to this great playgroup that's developed.

Ingredients to Successful Playgroup

1. Personality of the moms mesh. Empathetic rather than critical, good listening rather than knowing-it-all.

2. Good Chemistry between the moms. Friendly, open, down to earth.

3. Moms actively encourage children to play together.

4. Keep the playdate short.

We play from 10:30am-11:30am and get ready for lunch 11:30am-12:30pm.
For playdates indoors, one hour has been a good length of time before the kids expire.

Leave on a good note, rather than when kids are overtired.

5. Safe play areas. If indoors, remove some toys, to keep area from being overcrowded.

6. Similar parenting values and styles. Important since preschool time is a developmental period, filled with opportunities to teach in the moment.

7. Bring snacks for snack breaks if things get too intense.

8. Freedom to come or skip. No pressure.

9. Having manners.

Ways to Encourage Sharing

- Saying "Let's take turns." rather than "Share."

- Use of an "Egg Timer". Count up to 10 or 20 to give preschoolers the concept of
time. After the count, they are asked to give someone else a turn.

- Don't force children to give up toys, in order to teach them to share. Children can learn through time, with repetition, they will see that everyone will get a turn.

Social Skills We Encourage During Playdates

- Taking Turns.

- Teaching that physical aggressiveness is not okay.

- Helping them how to deal with anger as it comes up.

- Using manners.

- Expressing empathy. Giving them the words. Modeling it when another child is hurt.

- (Kids) Asking for help from other adults.

Ways we Practice Developing Social Skills:

- Modeling

- Exposure

- Positive Reinforcement

- Repetition

- Consistency

- Prepare them before the playdate, reminding them that they will be taking turns, being positive about the experience.

Peachy Tip: Handling Toddler Conflicts

In light of my post on Playground Politics, I'd like to share some information on how to handle conflict between toddlers. As mentioned, I hope to get better at handling conflicts as a mom. I'm especially motivated because these situations involve TJ. I can foresee that keeping quiet could negatively impact TJ, if I don't learn to how to (positively) confront others.

One of the ways I can gain confidence is through equipping myself with information . I've always been a book worm of sorts and find it's the mode I learn best. So, I wanted to share an excerpt from Parentmaking: A Practical Handbook for Teaching Parent Classes About Babies and Toddlers by Annye Rothenberg, PhD:

Techniques for Handling Conflicts
1. When one child takes something from another child and the second child is not bothered, try not to intervene.

2. The limit usually set is that the toddler who had the toy first may play with it. The toddler who wants the toy may play with it next. Try to help the child who grabbed the toy to get interested in something else, but be sure he soon receives his turn with the toy he tried to take.

You might say, "Ashley had the toy, John.You may play with it when she is finished. You may play with the stuffed dog now. I am sure you will get your turn to play with the truck."

3. If the same toddler tries to take the same toy again, explain things to him again.

4. If the toddler tries to take the toy again, it is best to take him from the room (play area) and try to get him interested in something else. Bring him back to the play area when he is ready. It helps not to get angry. Try to be calm, but firm and assured.

5. Many toddlers do tend to be physical in the way they interact with others. TRY NOT TO CONDONE TODDLERS PHYSICALLY HARMING EACH OTHER. You could say, for example. "no, I can't let you bite. Biting hurts.

When I shared my playground incident with a teacher of child development, she further emphasized that a child should not be taught to forcibly share a toy, if he is not ready. Children have a right to enjoy a toy and exercise their choice. And in the process, learn to share, when they are ready.

I hope it will help give you that extra boost of confidence when you find yourself in a similar predicament. I wish I knew this before hand. But now that I do, I think I'll be better prepared to give an informed response. Especially with an expert's qualified opinion on it.

We'll see.. ;)

Playground Politics

Before I was a mom, I didn't have that much exposure to playground politics. I mean, I can't even remember when I had actually stepped onto a playground as an adult. Sure, I've been at parks for barbecues and picnics. And I've seen kids playing on the jungle gyms, swings and slides. At a distance.

But, boy oh boy. The playground sure looks a lot different up close and personal, now that I'm actually in one, with a toddler of my own. What do you do when another child hurts your little one and his mom nearby does nothing? As if that weren't enough, the mom later comes over to blame your child for not sharing his toy, inciting her son to chase your child for the toy and knock him over?

I was just a few feet away when it happened. TJ was playing with a toy truck in the sand, and I saw another little boy was trying to take his truck from him. His mom was nearby, so I wasn't about to jump up right away to intervene. Kids fighting over toys is an everyday scene, so nothing especially peculiar was happening to concern me. But, then I saw that this boy was getting very aggressive with TJ and his mom wasn't able to wrestle her son from trying to tackle TJ for the toy.

TJ starts to cry and gets very upset now. Uh-oh. I better come to the rescue.

Before I could get there, the other little boy (TOLB) doubles up his efforts to pull and yank the toy from TJ. TJ jumps up, screaming "No, it's mine!", crying as he tries to tear himself away. TOLB's mommy is trying to hold back her son, but he cannot be restrained. He lunges forward, catching up to TJ, applying the death grip to the truck. TJ is running for his life. I see the look of desperation in his eyes. If I can only get to him! I'm coming TJ!

BAM! TJ's head falls to the concrete floor with a snap! OMG! Is there a concussion! Is he unconscious? Will there be blood! Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind as I saw TJ fall back from the tug of war that ensued once TOLB secured his hold on the toy truck.

Practically pouncing on TJ like a mama puma, I scooped him up and was relieved that he was screaming. Okay, he's not unconscious. That's good. Next, is there any blood? Nothing. Good.

I spend the next few minutes just holding TJ and trying to calm him down. I wanted to see if he could walk or if he was seeing double. Can you see mommy's finger? How many are there? It's kinda silly. 'Cuz how do I know if a two year old can really count after having his head banged up?

At first inspection, everything looked okay. Now, I had to wait to see if there would be any vomiting in the coming hours. For the moment, I was relieved.

TOLB's mom was standing a few feet aways, but never did come over to apologize. I actually didn't think much of it. I know that not everyone is comfortable with apologies. I've also lived enough to know not everyone shares the same respect for manners.

I even thought, "Oh, maybe she's just feeling awkward because her son has hurt TJ." I wouldn't want to embarrass her more by saying anything to her.

As you can tell, I'm good at avoiding conflict. I either tell myself the situation is so bad, there's nothing I can do to change it. Or, I empathize and make up an excuse for the other person. You know, rationalize the situation, so that it's not so bad. It's easier and better for me to just avoid conflict. I don't deal with other people's anger very well.

What I didn't expect, though, was what TOLB's mom later said:

"I'm sorry that TJ tripped and fell. I want to explain why I did not ask my son to apologize to TJ. I was actually there when my son asked TJ if he could play with the truck. And TJ didn't share. That is why TOLB chased after TJ. I am very proud of my son for asking to play with the toy, so he did exactly what I asked him to. My son just didn't understand why TJ wouldn't let him have a turn. That is why I did not ask him to apologize to you." TOLB's mom ended with the comment, "This whole playing together thing is certainly a work in progress, no?"

OMG. I actually was in a state of shock. I was dumbfounded, like a statue with the cat-got-my-tongue look. The momma bear in me started to get riled up. But, it was weird. I just felt awkward addressing this playground situation. Put me in a meeting room or transport me back to my debate tournaments. No problem. Let me at'em. I can argue 'til the cows come home.

But, put me on a playground, throw some moms at me, and I'm at a lost for words.

I needed sometime to think through my response. Here are some I thought of:

1. Reality TV Response:

Look woman. Your son is a total bully. He's already pushed enough kids around here at the playground. So, back off! Or else.. (growl and look fierce)

2. Super Nanny's Response:

Pushing and chasing down another child to get a toy he wanted is Not Acceptable! You must direct him to the Naughty Chair, one minute for each year old (complete with British Accent).

3. Positive Discipline Response:

I know your son is a wonderful child. I'm sure after some nurturing time out, you and I can create win/win experiences for our boys to play together.. (sing Kumbaya)

4. Conflict Avoider's Response:

Oh, that's okay. You're right. Learning playing together is work-in-progress. We're all in the learning process.. (smile and nod)

5. Educator's Response:

I'm sorry that your son did not get a chance with the toy truck right away when he wanted it. Children should not be forced to give up a toy when they are not ready. But, it is important children learn to wait their turn without hurting others. We can encourage our children to wait by distracting them with another activity/toy. Or we should remove the child from the area. Apologizing helps the child learn that their actions can harm another, even if unintentional (This is the answer that a teacher of child development gave me when I told her about the incident and asked her what she'd say).

Hmmmm.. what would your response be?

Well, I had my first encounter with playground politics. And it's been hard on me. I know it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But, the whole situation was a downer. I wasn't even that upset over the actual incident of TJ getting hurt. More scared than anything really for TJ's safety. That I can deal with. Kids get into scrapes. There will be scuffles.

But, the playground politics with parents.. Ugh. I was not prepared for that. I know. This will be first of many to come, as TJ grows up, with differing views on parenting.

I think the part that bothered me most was how the mom chose to see her son as blameless and was so adamantly proud of him. It just scares me to think maybe her child would get the wrong message to blame others for his hurtful actions.

A couple weeks after this incident, as I was driving and listening to the radio, I heard about a terrible murder-suicide news story air on CNN Headlines. Although the playground situation has nothing to do this heinous crime, I couldn't help but think back to TJ's fall.

A 17 year-old girl was murdered by her 19 year-old boyfriend. When the father of the boyfriend was interviewed about the tragedy, he said that his son has always been a wonderful person. The father said what his son did was wrong, but it was the girlfriend who kept pushing him and pushing him. And because she pushed him too far, that's when he snapped.

I could only imagine how the parents of that 17 year-old girl felt when they heard this father's words.

I actually don't harbor ill-feelings toward TOLB's mom. I am more concerned about her son and others he'll be playing with. As for me, I hope I can learn to express myself better with other moms when I disagree with them. Especially as TJ grows older, I know he'll be watching me and learning how to handle conflict.

So next time you're out at the playground, and you happen to see a mom with a child who's gotten hurt, stop and offer an encouraging word. 'Cuz stepping onto the playground can be like stepping into a whole 'nother world of politics.