Monday, October 20, 2008

My Speechless Ultrasound

I wanted to break my silence on Just Peachy Baby Blog with today's post. Between taking care of Just Peachy Baby business and undergoing a harrowing first 18 weeks of pregnancy (Yes, Baby Gray #2 is up and coming), I am finally back! I hope you'll post a comment 'cuz I'd love to from you!

For months, I've been dreading what I had to go through being over 35 years old and pregnant. I've been asking for peace of mind to get through the genetic ultrasound done that is done at 18 weeks.

When the test was done for my first pregnancy, there were multiple "markers" that indicated brain damage, down syndrome, and trisonomy 18 defects. We forewent doing the amnio, since we were committed to have the baby, defect or no defect. We had to undergo regular testing to monitor the status. Needless to say, we endured months of tears, agony for months, waiting to see something change. It wasn't until testing was done later in the pregnancy showed that everything was fine. The results had been false negative.

So going into the test this second time, Hubby and I were very stressed. We braced ourselves for a set of "markers" and a pregnancy frought with worry once again.

I was lying there on the table, I was saying a prayer, as the doctor rattled through a litany of numbers, measurements, and data, as he rolled the ultrasound wand over my belly. "Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm.." was the partnering mantra going through my mind, as I waited for his diagnosis.

After what seemed a lifetime, the doctor left the room. Oh, great. The doctor came back with the senior physician, who then began to perform more measurements. The skull, the abdomen, the lungs, the heart,... down he went from head, down to the baby's toe, measuring this and that, all the while poker face. The doctors exchange medical talk, all Greek to me.

When he was done scribbling on his chart, my heart stood still. This is it, Bonnie. Be strong. I expected him to turn to Hubby and me and say what was said last time, "Okay, you can get dressed now. I will meet you to in my office, where we'll go over the results of the ultrasound." Tremble.

Instead, he looked at us and reported, "Well, the baby looks healthy. Everything looks good." What?! Really?! Nothing else? Nada. And with that, the senior doctor exited the door. We finished the ultrasound with the younger doctor, asking him to take some "pictures", just for us.

As the take-home pictures were being snapped and the doctor was counting the fingers and toes of our baby, my heavy heart was broken. Not with sadness or worry like last time. This time, my heart broke out in relief and joy. With tears streaming down my face, I just laughed lying there, like a madwoman on the table, savoring every little grainy pixel of my new baby.

Now, the fun stuff! With abated breath, we eagerly searched the ultrasound monitor for hints of "boy" or "girl". Hubby couldn't contain himself and let out a loud "YYEEAAHHH!!", as we welcomed the news that we will have a new baby join us next March, a sweet baby boy -- just what we wished for!

Our excitement must've rubbed off on the young doctor, because he turned to me and said, "But now you'll be outnumbered!"

"No, not at all! It's what I've always wanted. Now, with my three boys, I'll always be the one and only Princess of the family!" Giggling, I just closed my eyes and said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you.." to God.

Given I have had a miscarriage with this twin pregnancy, a very, very difficult 18 weeks of bed-ridden nauseasness, and a very negative ultrasound first time around, I have been focusing on preparing for the worst.

As I was drying my tears, getting dressed, I felt my world open up again to excitement rather than dread.

It's unusual for me. But, in this case, on this occasion, I was speechless with peace.


Joe said...

Wow! Wonderful news. God is good, all the time.

Amee said...

Congratulations! This is wonderful news and I am so happy for you guys! Blessings!

Bonnie said...

@ Joe: Yes. This time God decided to spare me. :)

@ Amee: Thanks, Amee!

Teresa Jones said...

Hi Just Peachy,
I was in tears after reading your article. I am 35 yoa and was given the down sydrome screening last week. She called me a couple of days ago, only to tell me that I tested positive for a one out of 128 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. I was heartbroken. I have two other children who are totally healthy and free of any disabilities. Now, I'm stuck with the decision of having the amnio test, which could result in miscarriage or just go to the second screening and just hope and pray for the best. The ultrasound didn't show any red flags first go around so I really want to end up with your results also! Please say a prayer for me and I wish you all of the happiness in the world with your new son!

annewillette said...


kimberly/tippy toes said...

Congratulations Bonnie! What great news!

Bonnie Gray said...

@ teresa jones: Thnx for sharing such a tender and heartbreaking time for you. Please let me know how it all goes with your decision. My prayers are with you!
@ annewillette, kimberly/tippy toes: thnx! ;)